...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
