Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
