i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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