Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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