And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
