When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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