I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
