Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
