right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
