wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
