do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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