I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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