she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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