I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
