he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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