Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
