I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what day is it and did you see me today?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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