Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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