...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
