My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
