i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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