Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
