i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
