Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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