My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
