I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
