i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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