I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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