Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
