I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think a kid would responsible me up
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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