Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
