I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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