youre lurking in front of me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
