I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
