Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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