my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
