Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
