When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
this will be a night to untag.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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