At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
