He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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