It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
