she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
