if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
