If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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