the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
