I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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