i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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