20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
