Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
