I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
